You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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