im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
