im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My breasts were aching with rage.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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