At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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