im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
