I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
