I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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