So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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