Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
