6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize