you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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