I could have mohawked her pubes.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
