Whod you bang
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
