the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sorry my hands just texted you
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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