I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
