Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
