He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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