Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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