I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
dude. I can hear the air.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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