1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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