There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
