I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
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Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
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Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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