Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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