There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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