: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
