She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dick very happy bro
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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