How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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