My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
