I hate your face
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
