Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
