you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
