So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
