I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
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through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
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She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am