i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.