he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.