If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
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Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
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Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(