don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
