Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?