thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.