ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
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Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
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I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!