She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.