Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize