when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
