she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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