Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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