Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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