is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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