i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
