I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
