K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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