Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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