omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
