Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
