I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
