dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
