I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
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