Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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