dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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