Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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