I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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