my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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