I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
