I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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