Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
