Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My balls are so social today.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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