do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
